Poetry Journey #12

"A Meeting in the Countryside" - Sensuality vs. Sentimentality

Building a Complete Scene

This week's poem is longer and more narrative. Here it is:

A Meeting in the Countryside

Two friends meet in the English countryside,
No expectation,
No questions of the past,
No thoughts of the future.
One answers the door.
They embrace—
Hold, for a while, even longer,
Just touching,
Breathing in comfort,
Knowing how hard life has been.
A seat is taken,
A moment shared,
A kiss pressed,
A slow rhythm,
Moving as though time has stopped.
Outside, the wind stirs the trees,
Rain whispers against the window.
Inside, there is only warmth,
Only now,
Only them.
When it ends,
They rest—
No need to speak,
No need to part too soon.
Two souls,
Meeting where silence holds
More meaning than words.

What I Think I Got Right:

• The narrative structure creates a complete scene

• Sensory details ground the emotion ("wind stirs the trees," "rain whispers")

• The pacing feels deliberate

• "Meeting where silence holds more meaning than words" is my best line

Where I'm Uncertain:

• Is this too explicit or appropriately sensual?

• Does the countryside setting earn its place or is it just scenic?

• Are phrases like "breathing in comfort" specific enough?

Technical Elements I'm Exploring:

• Using short lines to control pacing

• Building to a climax (literally and poetically)

• Ending on reflection rather than action

My Concerns:

• Does this risk being voyeuristic?

• Is "two souls" another cliché?

• Am I telling rather than showing?

What I'm Learning: Longer poems give me more room to develop scenes and emotions, but they also give me more rope to hang myself with.

Questions for Readers:

• Does the narrative structure work?

• How do you balance explicitness with tasteful suggestion?

• Which details feel essential vs. decorative?