Poetry Journey #13

"Meeting in the English Countryside" - The Explicit Problem

Crossing the Line

This week's poem:

Meeting in the English Countryside

Two friends meet in the English countryside
No expectation,
not asking about the past,
or thinking about the future
He answers the door
They embrace
Hold, for a while, even longer
Just touching each other, comfort
They know how hard
She sits down
He kisses her pressing his body on hers
She looks up at him and smiles
No thoughts for the future, nothing about the past
Just the present
They lay down
He enters her, she rises on top

My Immediate Response: Okay, this is where I crossed a line from sensual into explicit. I can see why this wouldn't work for most literary journals.

The Problems:

• "He enters her" is too direct for most poetry contexts

• The narrative becomes voyeuristic rather than artistic

• I lose the poetic language in favour of physical description

• The ending feels abrupt, incomplete

What I Was Trying to Do: Capture physical intimacy as part of emotional connection, show love through action rather than declaration.

What Went Wrong: I focused on the physical acts rather than the emotional or metaphorical meaning of intimacy.

Technical Issues:

• Inconsistent line breaks

• Loss of rhythm and music

• No metaphor or imagery to elevate the material

• Poor pacing in the conclusion

What I'm Learning: There's a difference between erotic poetry and explicit description. Successful erotic poetry uses metaphor, suggestion, and emotional depth rather than direct physical description.

Questions for Readers:

• How do you write about physical intimacy poetically?

• What's the line between sensual and explicit in poetry?

• Are there ways to salvage the emotional core of this poem?

• Which contemporary poets handle eroticism well?