Poetry Journey #14

"Two Oaks" - My First Potentially Publishable Poem?

Finding My Footing

This week's poem:

Two Oaks

Two oaks stand tall beneath the sky,
Rooted deep where love won't die.
Side by side, their branches weave,
A tapestry of dreams they leave.
One, light and fierce with grace,
The other, a fortress, time can't erase.
Through storm and sun, through shade and light,
They stand as one, their hearts burn bright.

A future spun in golden thread, With whispered vows and words unsaid. Two strong oaks, their love runs deep, A bond to hold, a dream to keep.

My Assessment: This might be my strongest poem so far. The metaphor feels sustained and meaningful, the rhyme scheme is more controlled, and the emotion feels earned.

What Works:

• Oak metaphor is clear and evocative

• "Rooted deep where love won't die" is a strong line

• The contrast between "light and fierce" and "fortress" gives character

• Consistent rhyme scheme that doesn't feel forced

What Still Needs Work:

• "Golden thread" is a cliché I need to replace

• Some rhymes feel predictable (sky/die, grace/erase)

• Could use more specific imagery

Technical Progress:

• Better control of metre

• Metaphor that works throughout the poem

• Clear emotional arc

What I'm Learning: Extended metaphors give me structure and help avoid abstract language. When I have a concrete image (oaks), the emotion feels more grounded.

Revision Ideas:

• Replace "golden thread" with something more original

• Vary the rhyme scheme to add sophistication

• Add one more specific detail about the oaks

Questions for Readers:

• Does the oak metaphor work for you?

• Which lines feel strongest/weakest?

• How can I keep the romantic feeling while avoiding clichés?

This feels like progress.