Poetry Journey #16

"A Wife's Spark" - Character Portrait or Idealisation?

The List Problem

This week's poem:

A Wife’s Spark

A wife with a spark in her eye,
Sassy and bold, with a wit soaring high.
She walks with a grace, yet dances with fire,
A heart full of mischief, yet love that won't tire.
She laughs like the breeze on a warm summer's day,
Turning the dullest of moments to play.
With humour so quick and a tongue full of tease,
She keeps life exciting, never at ease.
Sharp as a dagger, yet gentle as light,
She stands like a beacon, both fierce and bright.
She sees through the nonsense, calls out the bluff,
Soft in her love, but steady and tough.
A partner, a fire, a force to admire,
Her presence alone can set hearts afire.
A wife, both daring and bright,
A woman of wonder, a queen in her right.

My Assessment: This is longer and more developed than my earlier character poems, but I'm concerned it reads like a list of positive qualities rather than a real person.

What I Think Works:

• Specific details ("spark in her eye," "laughs like the breeze")

• Good rhythm and consistent rhyme

• The contrast between qualities (sharp/gentle, tough/soft)

• Clear affection and admiration

What Worries Me:

• "Heart full of mischief" sounds like a romance novel

• Too many adjectives piled up

• Idealised rather than realistic

• Some forced rhymes (high/eye, tease/ease)

Technical Questions:

• Is this too long for what it accomplishes?

• Are my rhymes getting in the way of natural language?

• How do you write about someone you love without idealising them?

What I'm Learning: Character poems are harder than they look. I need to find the specific detail that reveals personality rather than listing traits.

Questions for Readers:

• Does this feel like a real person or a collection of virtues?

• Which details feel most authentic?

• How do you balance admiration with realistic portrayal?

• Should I condense this or expand specific moments?