Poetry Journey #21

"A Sanctuary" - Atmosphere vs. Substance

Starting the New Year

Starting the new year with this poem:

A Sanctuary

The warm water lapped gently against skin,
Enveloping in a cocoon of heat.
A quiet moment, away from the world,
No expectations, no weight, no urgency.
A sigh, a breath, a slow, deliberate touch,
A rhythm, a dance between anticipation and release.
No words, only sensation,
No pressure, only self.

And beyond the steam and candlelight,
A thought lingers—
The memory of love.

My Reaction: This feels atmospheric but maybe not substantial enough for a standalone poem.

What Works:

• Strong sensory details create immersion

• "Cocoon of heat" is effective imagery

• The ending provides emotional context

• Good pacing and restraint

What I'm Unsure About:

• Is this too brief for the atmosphere it creates?

• Does "memory of love" feel vague?

• Is this more of a moment than a poem?

Technical Questions:

• Are my line breaks creating the right pacing?

• Does the brevity serve the poem or limit it?

• How much development does an atmospheric poem need?

What I'm Learning: Atmospheric poems need to balance mood with meaning.

Questions for Readers:

• Does this feel complete or like a fragment?

• Is the atmosphere compelling enough to carry the poem?

• How would you strengthen the emotional core?

• What separates a mood piece from a poem?