Poetry Journey #23

Title: "A Promise" - Fragmentation as Form

Catalogue Poetry

This week's poem:

A Promise

Eyes— Sharp as memory,
Soft as longing.
They love in silence,
They wait without pleading.

Lips— Moist with breath,
Pressing, parting,
Whispering desire.

Skin— Dusted with freckles,
Soft as the hush before touch,
A quiet kind of beauty.

Hips— A language of motion,
A question,
An answer.
They move,
They open— A door,
A tide,
A promise.

My Reaction: This feels like a companion to "A Language of Motion" but more fragmented, more like a catalogue.

What I Think Works:

• The fragmented structure mirrors the focus on body parts

• Some strong images: "dusted with freckles," "hush before touch"

• "A language of motion" connects to my other body-as-language poems

• The progression builds to "A promise"

What Concerns Me:

• Does this feel too much like a list?

• "Sharp as memory, soft as longing" might be forced parallelism

• Is the repetition effective or repetitive?

• Does the ending earn the build-up?

Technical Questions:

• Are the line breaks creating meaning or just looking poetic?

• Does the cataloguing structure serve the poem?

• Is this similar enough to other poems to feel redundant?

What I'm Wrestling With: When does fragmentation create meaning vs. just looking experimental?

Questions for Readers:

• Does the fragmented structure work for you?

• Which body part section is most/least effective?

• Is this distinct enough from "A Language of Motion"?

• How do you make catalogue poems feel complete rather than arbitrary?