Poetry Journey #6
"A Marriage Poem" - Starting with My Most Confident Voice
My First Poem Under the Microscope
Here's my poem:
A Marriage Poem
There's peace in our sight. There's victory.
Nothing will destroy our marriage—
We will emerge, strong and steady,
Built on trust that carries through the ages.
Storms may come, but love stands firm,
A refuge in the fiercest gale.
Two hearts united, bound by faith,
Together writing their own tale.
In every trial, grace will flow,
Mercy marks the steps we take.
Hand in hand, through highs and lows,
Our bond no power can break.
My Honest Assessment:
What I Think Works:
The confidence is genuine and clear
Strong, regular metre gives it authority
"Built on trust that carries through the ages" has weight
The progression through challenges to resolution feels complete
What Makes Me Uncomfortable:
"Fiercest gale" and "writing their own tale" feel clichéd
It reads more like a wedding vow than poetry
"Nothing will destroy our marriage" feels like tempting fate
The certainty leaves no room for complexity
Technical Elements:
Consistent ABCB rhyme scheme throughout
Very controlled structure (three quatrains)
Religious undertones ("grace," "mercy," "faith")
Very declarative, no uncertainty or questioning
What This Reveals About My Voice: When I try to be confident and declarative, I often fall into the most conventional language possible. This feels very different from my other work, much more like a public declaration than an artistic exploration.
Questions This Raises:
Can confident poems avoid sounding like greeting cards?
Is there a difference between personal certainty and poetic truth?
Does this belong in a poetry collection or is it more personal statement?
What I'm Learning: My most confident voice might not be my most interesting poetic voice.
Questions for Readers:
Which feels more authentic, this confidence or questioning poems?
How do you write about strong convictions without sounding preachy?
Should marriage poems acknowledge complexity or can they be purely celebratory?