The Lie of Missing Out
Lies We Tell Ourselves: Part 2
Have you ever scrolled through your feed and felt that pang — that sudden sense that everyone else is out there living while you’re stuck in the sidelines? That’s FOMO — the “fear of missing out.” It’s that whisper in your head telling you that you should be doing more, seeing more, being more. But here’s the truth: FOMO is a lie. It’s not evidence of your inadequacy — it’s a distortion of reality created by comparison and curation. And it’s robbing you of peace, presence, and joy.
Social Media Distorts Reality
At the root of FOMO lies one major culprit: social media. Platforms built to connect us often end up becoming engines of comparison. Every scroll exposes us to carefully edited lives — the best moments, the happiest smiles, the most exotic vacations, the promotions, the “perfect” relationships. It’s not reality; it’s a reel of highlight moments stitched together for effect.
A 2022 Computers in Human Behavior study confirmed what many of us already feel in our bones: heavy social media use drives both anxiety and FOMO. The more time we spend consuming curated snippets of other people’s lives, the more convinced we become that we’re somehow falling behind. But those posts you see? They’re not someone’s entire story — they’re their most polished seconds. You’re not missing out on everything; you’re seeing a filtered narrative designed to be liked, shared, and envied.
The irony? While we fear missing out on someone else’s experiences, we’re often missing out on our own — distracted, scrolling, and comparing instead of actually living.
You’re Not Missing as Much as You Think
Let’s step back. What exactly do we believe we’re missing out on? The Oxford Internet Institute conducted research in 2020 showing that people systematically overestimate others’ happiness based on social media posts. When we see pictures of friends laughing at brunch or posing at a concert, our minds fill in the blanks — assuming their lives are perpetually joyful. But those same people are often experiencing the same stress, loneliness, or self-doubt that we do.
What we forget is this: no one’s life is as good as it looks online.
The camera doesn’t capture the argument that happened before the photo, the exhaustion after the trip, or the quiet emptiness behind that smiling selfie. Yet our brains, wired for social comparison, interpret the curated feed as proof of our own deficiency.
But your current moment — your morning coffee, your quiet walk, your laughter with a friend — is infinitely more real than someone else’s staged moment online. Reality isn’t what’s shared. It’s what’s lived.
Presence Beats Chasing
FOMO tricks us into chasing external experiences — more trips, more achievements, more content to post — as if joy exists somewhere out there, always just beyond reach. But science tells another story. A 2019 Journal of Positive Psychology study found that mindfulness — the simple act of being fully present — leads to greater life satisfaction than pursuing external experiences.
Presence doesn’t mean ignoring the world or renouncing ambition. It means anchoring yourself in the now, realizing that you don’t need to be anywhere else to be complete.
Think about the last time you were truly immersed in a moment — laughing with someone, cooking a meal, lost in a hobby. During those times, you weren’t comparing. You weren’t scrolling. You weren’t wishing to be elsewhere. You were simply being. And that’s where joy lives.
When you’re present, the illusion of “missing out” evaporates, because you realize there’s nothing to miss — you’re already in it.
Curate Your Own Joy
If FOMO is born from comparison, then its antidote is intentional living. You don’t have to delete every app or vanish from the digital world, but you do need to curate what you consume — and create what fulfills you.
Unfollow accounts that trigger comparison. If someone’s posts consistently make you feel inadequate, it’s not their fault — but it is your responsibility to protect your peace. Curate a feed that inspires, not drains.
Focus on what lights you up. Instead of looking outward for excitement, turn inward. What makes you feel alive? Reading? Painting? Hiking? Deep conversations? Invest your time there.
Keep a gratitude list. Every evening, write down three things that brought you joy. Gratitude reorients your mind from scarcity to abundance — reminding you that there’s already so much to celebrate in your own orbit.
Anchor yourself in your story. Someone else’s edit isn’t your truth. Your path, with its detours and pauses, is unfolding exactly as it should. When you start seeing your journey as worthy, the need to compare fades.
FOMO loses power when you realize that you are not behind. There’s no universal timeline. There’s only your own.
The Takeaway: Live Where Your Feet Are
FOMO is seductive because it plays on a universal human need — belonging. We all want to feel included, connected, part of something. But chasing inclusion in someone else’s highlight reel disconnects you from the only life that truly belongs to you: yours.
The moments you’ll remember most won’t be the ones that got the most likes or looked the most “impressive.” They’ll be the ones you were fully present for — the ones you actually lived.
So next time that anxious whisper creeps in — that you’re missing out, falling behind, or not doing enough — pause. Take a breath. Look around. You’re not late to life. You’re already in it.
FOMO is a thief of joy.
Live where your feet are.